by Julie Kelly
In one scene in “When Harry Met Sally,” Meg Ryan’s character insists she had great sex in college with a guy named Shel. Billy Crystal’s character doesn’t buy it.
“Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man . . . but humpin’ and pumpin’ is not Sheldon’s strong suit. It’s the name. ‘Do it to me Sheldon, you’re an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.’ Doesn’t work.”
Since we all reliving the 1980s, that clip came to mind as I watched Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-R.I.) grill Judge Brett Kavanaugh on Thursday about his high school hijinx and in-crowd jargon from Georgetown Prep’s 1983 yearbook. The former prosecutor applied his keen interrogation skills against the Supreme Court nominee as Whitehouse delved into an unfamiliar world of teenaged popularity and partying, a place where guys like Kavanaugh strode past the likes of Whitehouse in the high school hallway with nary a glance, and Kavanaugh’s gal pals never gave poor Shel a chance to score.
Whitehouse revealed depravity of the highest order as he exposed the elite prep-school caste system. He finally was clued into its secret dialect and, acting like he was uncovering the cool kids’ Rosetta Stone, he made Kavanaugh admit that “ralph” is a reference to vomiting, and “boofed” means flatulence. The judge finally explained to an anxious nation what all those Fs were before his mention of the FFFFFFFourth of July. (Poor Squi.)
Whitehouse even exposed how these campus kings entertained themselves on the weekend while he was at home sharpening his Dungeons and Dragons skills. In one riveting exchange, peering over his glasses, the two-term senator cross-examined the former star athlete and student:
Whitehouse: Devil’s Triangle?
Kavanaugh: Drinking game.
Whitehouse: How’s it played?
Kavanaugh: Three glasses. In a triangle.
Whitehouse (confused): And?
Kavanaugh: You ever play quarters?
Whitehouse: No.
Kavanaugh: It’s a quarters game.
The Man Dorks Love to Hate
Aside from the Left’s vicious and venal assault on Kavanaugh and his family, another ulterior motive has been at play over the past few weeks. It is “Revenge of the Nerds, Swamp Edition.” Duckie versus Blaine. Farmer Ted versus Jake Ryan. Booger versus Ogre. Except this time, dweeby Democratic lawmakers and their media Geek Squad have piled on to the SCOTUS Prom King, and it isn’t pretty. Decades of pent-up hostility for being ignored, depantsed and stuffed in lockers came frothing to the top of our national political dialogue.
Brett Kavanaugh is the guy the dorks love to hate, and they still resent him. He was a three-sport athlete and top student—”busted my butt in school,” he told Whitehouse—and obviously very well-liked. Legions of friends, both men and women, have come to his defense. Old girlfriends have attested to his character and manners. “I’ve been friends with Brett Kavanaugh for over 35 years, and dated him during high school,” wrote Maura Kane. “In every situation where we were together he was always respectful, kind and thoughtful. We remain good friends and I admire him as a husband, father, and professional.”
Sadly for the nerds, Kavanaugh’s charmed life did not end after graduation. He went on to the Ivy Leagues, worked in the Bush White House, and became a federal judge. The fact Kavanaugh is also a devout churchgoer, a volunteer at homeless shelters, marathon-runner, kids’ basketball coach, husband, and father to two beautiful little girls only made the dorks more mad. They are fuming that this party boy, and not they, will be in a position of power instead of selling cars like all party boys should be.
Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-Hawaii) told CNN’s Jake Tapper that she would use her constitutional powers to learn more about all the fun she missed out on in high school: “I will be wanting to hear what kind of environment it was in high school. Apparently there was a lot of drinking and partying going on. This is why we need an investigation.”
Meantime, senator and national nag Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) tweeted out a video clip of Kavanaugh joking about his days at Georgetown Prep, claiming that she “can’t imagine any parent accepting this view. Is this really what America wants in its next Supreme Court Justice?” (No, Liz . . . just the cool moms.)
Vivia Chen, a writer for American Lawyer, scolded Kavanaugh about his typical teenage behavior: “As any woman who came of age during the ’70s and ’80s can tell you, girls were expected to put up with a lot of nonsense at parties, in parked cars or darkened movie theaters. And among the preppy set, of which Kavanaugh was a member, that culture of hard drinking and male predatory behavior was normal.” Kavanaugh is a scapegoat for an entire generation of these women and their pent up frustrations. And if that wasn’t clinging on to enough high school neurosis, some of these childish punks even made fun of his name.
The Real Objection, Of Course
And don’t even get the nerds started on brewskis. Kavanaugh’s beer consumption in high school and college was a hot topic among the Democratic geeks on the Senate Judiciary Committee. Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.) asked Kavanaugh several questions about his Bud Light habits, including whether he had ever blacked out from drinking or couldn’t remember things from the night before. (He said no.) The blue-checkmark geeks were unpersuaded. Author and law professor Jennifer Taub sniffed how Kavanaugh’s answer was “not responsive. It is defensive. Also when asked about drinking he also turns it around aggressively questioning senator.” Seriously?
The Left’s main objection to Kavanaugh clearly centers on politics: They are livid another conservative judge will be seated on the Supreme Court for decades to come, jeopardizing their cherished case law protecting abortion rights, union thuggery, and unhinged environmentalism. As Kavanaugh also pointed out, their rage is fueled by the results of the 2016 presidential election and revenge on behalf of the Clintons.
But there is a more basic human emotion at play: Envy. The geeky Left cannot abide the idea that the popular jock grew up to lead a stellar life, have a beautiful family, and get a chance at history while the Shels of the world stand against the gymnasium wall, waiting to be asked to dance. It really is like 1982 all over again.
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Julie Kelly is a senior contributor to American Greatness.
